Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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