my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
