FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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