party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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