she smelled like a LAN party
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
