I think my vagina is haunted
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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