I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
