So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
