U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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