This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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