imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
