Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
no you cant smoke seaweed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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