Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
