I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
