covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
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