You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
