i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your cock deserves a montage
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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