Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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