dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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