Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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