The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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