Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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