I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
