I need to stop coming to work sober
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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