day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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