Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
