So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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