her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
