girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
