Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
