Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
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If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
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But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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