Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
