Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
