Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize