some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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