i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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