I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
