I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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