I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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