Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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