i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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