I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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