wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ladies don't puke and tell
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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