The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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