Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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