I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
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Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
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Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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