im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
