I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
