So drunk its hurt
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.