i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.