Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.