In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..