dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
