from now on my penis is your penis
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
