I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
