I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
