shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
