He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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