Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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