Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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