i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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