I'm jealous of your bromance
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
