Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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