sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
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Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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